New Beginnings

I have been horrible about keeping up this blog, life has taken us on some interesting turns these days. I find myself so busy that I forget to take the time to sit here and organize my thoughts... My previous posts have all been about my children or other family members, I never really posted about myself, I am told that I am a mystery... so here is a snippet at least about me, supermom extraordinaire.

My entire adult life has been all about me being Mom, ever look back and wonder what happened to the person you were before someone called you mom? I remember a self centered teenager, and here I am 20 years later and 2 of my children have survived into adulthood, the 3rd well on his way, soon mom won't be needed for taxi service, a bandaid, or packing a lunch... what happens when that part of your life is over? Of course I will always be mom, my children are always going to be that shining light in my life, anyone who knows me knows how proudly I wear that mom badge.

Well, I have allowed someone in, this is not easy navigating through the dynamics of this new relationship, we are becoming one, I feel like I have met my soul mate, but there is still part of me that has that nagging doubt in the back of some dark hallway, if I let him into my head, will it scare him off? Never have I met someone who loves my children as much as Luke does, he has such patience with Kevin, I watched him show Kevin how to work on a small engine the other day and thought, wow where has this guy been all my life? He's actually always been there, I knew of him in high school, never thought we would end up together, God works in mysterious ways...

So, now I find myself with a new hat, girlfriend... and a new family dynamic, will I measure up? I sure hope so, more to come...

Kevin

Wow, another child almost grown, I am always amazed that I have raised such wonderful, well rounded children, Dreau has achieved more in  his 19 years than some people achieve in a lifetime, he is doing what he always wanted to do, in a state clear across the country, he makes me very proud, but this post is not about Dreau, this is about Kevin, my 17 year old who is carving his own path, he is a clown, never serious about anything, except his faith, the child has a faith in God that puts me in awe, he stands up for what he believes in, always considers others before himself, never asks for anything spectacular, he knows that we are not wealthy, but he knows that he never goes without anything that he needs, and I think that his spiritual education is very much a necessity, he works hard for things he wants, he is leaving tomorrow for a trip with his youth group to Indianapolis, Indiana. He worked to raise the money for this trip, car washes and bake sales and selling candy. How good that must feel that he at 17 earned that trip thru his own hands, nobody handed him a check and said go have fun. He wanted this trip so badly that he did fundraising for an entire year to EARN the money for it. I pray that he soaks up everything he can while he is there. What a special gift that a 17 year old boy, no, young man, has such a deep faith that this is where he wants his life journey to go. I love you Kevin, and I will miss you!

Whirlwind

Wow, what a crazy time the last couple of weeks has been for me...after seeking answers to the mystery that is my son Keith, I finally pinned down the doctor and got the results of over 2 months of testing...Autism....not Aspergers, not any high functioning anything............what does this mean for us? What kind of life will he have? What obstacles will be in his way in life? Will he ever be on level with his age group? Will he be able to keep up in school and graduate? How did nobody catch on to this before? Sometimes when you seek answers, you are just totally blindsided to the results, I do know that I will do EVERYTHING in my power as his mother to make sure that he gets all the help he needs to be successful, there are changes that need to be made, he will succeed, even if it's in unconventional ways. He is my baby, the child that reminds me daily to slow down and remember that it could always be worse, he brings me flowers to brighten my mood, even if its a peepee flower, he always gets a smile from me for it. He is my " oh look a lizard" child. When he was born, I had so many hopes and dreams for him, and watching him grow into the 6th grader he is now, I am still amazed at how far we have come. The scars have healed, and he will never know how bad those early years were. He will always know that he is loved unconditionally. No matter where life leads us, he will never be known as " that autistic boy" he will be Keith who is not allowing autism to stop him! He is the kid that likes to "hang out" with his friends, never meets a stranger, has  compassion for others, loves to watch cartoons, and videos on youtube. He is a free spirit, and while he wants to feel like he is a part of the group, he wants to be accepted on his terms, he is not into changing who he is to conform... boy I think he is very wise beyond his years for that. He teaches me so much and doesn't even know it. I love you son... and I always will

My mom, my best friend

I'm not sure when it happened, must have been somewhere between " because I said so" and " keep it up and I'll really give you something to cry about " my mom became my best friend. Oh, wait, I know when it happened, when I became a mom! My mom is the greatest mom you will ever meet, and she has learned to loosen up a bit more lately, that makes it even better, she has a great smile! She taught me so much with out even realizing it, she taught me that it doesn't matter how much money you make, what kind of house you live in, or what kind of clothes you wear, if you love yourself and your family, you are the richest person around, and everyone will want to be friends with you. She taught me to treat others as I would want my grandparent, parent, child to be treated. She is still showing me things, She reminds me to slow down and smell the roses, that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, and to enjoy the day you are living today. She taught me that it's not the 5 star vacations that you will remember, its getting lost along the way, its the caravan of vehicles heading to disney with walkie talkies to help the time pass. She taught me to take pictures of EVERYTHING, and label them. Best of all, she taught me to forgive those who wrong me and pray for the ones that think they are better than me... I love you mom!

God's will

• What a week this has turned out to be, we had another appointment yesterday with Dr. Angie, in Baton Rouge this time. So anxious to get the results!!! But what will they mean? Where will we go on this leg of our journey? I don't know, but I do know that I am doing the best that I can, and it's showing, people are noticing, I have always enjoyed helping others, that is what God wants us to do, that is why we are put on this earth. I want to share a story with you guys about something that happened to me yesterday after the doctor appointment.  We went to the doctor, so we get out and its lunch time. Keith's hungry, I'm hungry, so we stop at a Mc Donalds not far from the doctors office
• So we order our food, and go sit, the place is packed, then an older gentleman comes to sit near us at another table, he was walking with his walker, and the tray was on the walker "seat" so he goes to his table, and hes steadying himself with one hand and trying to put his food on the table with the other, when I looked up and saw him I immediately went over to help him. He had done most of the work himself, his drink and hamburger were already on the table, but he was wrestling with his napkins, so  I offered to help him, put his napkins on his table, and I took his tray for him and put it where they go, so then I went back to my table and we ate our lunch, all of a sudden a man walked up to me and said " excuse me, god bless you for what you did for that man, there should be more people like you in this world" I smiled and said thank you and he walked away, but it really made me feel good even though I didn't do it for anyone to notice. Everyone helps out the elderly and less fortunate right?

life alone

Well, our journey for answers has brought us here, MORE TESTS... but we will go where we are sent and take the test, the results will be available to us November 1st. What will this diagnosis bring? Will he receive the services the dr prescribes? How hard will it be for me to get any services she prescribes? It is tough being a single mom, but it is a trillion times harder being a single mom to a special needs child, you are alone, there is nobody to comfort you at night when you hit a brick wall trying to get help for your child, leaving messages on voice mails not sure if you will hear back from anyone. And, you can't "just date" cause you have special needs as well, most guys hear "special needs" and walk away, you are a different kind of package deal...but the children ALWAYS come first, so you trudge along alone and do what you must for your child, the fairy tale ending you dreamed about as a child is gone, it's not happening...but for today, you got him off to school with homework completed and in tow, pray he turns it in?! It could always be worse...faith in God gets me thru the darkest days, and my son's smile. Have a great day everyone and enjoy life

Blue Blue Christmas

Okay, thats it! Christmas is cancelled, stop all production of anything related to Christmas! Dreau just told me that he will NOT be home for Christmas, how can we have Christmas without Dreau?! IMPOSSIBLE! sleeping thru the holiday...yea right, don't think Kevin and Keith would appreciate that too much, the life of a military family is soooo hard, and everywhere you turn, you see how hard military wives have it, and how lonely they are, well, what about the mothers who carried this child in their womb for 9 months, and raised them, watched them grow and blossom into young men or women whatever the  case may be, we matter too! Anyway, I miss my child, and I was so looking forward to Christmas... oh well, maybe next year? please?