a new chapter

Well, the day I had hoped we were past has come...Keith is on yet another medication to control things that he does that are so beyond his understanding...He is this child you see in the picture, smiling, happy, likes to be silly...but there are times when for whatever reason he snaps and becomes someone that not even he understands. I don't know why he was chosen to have this disability, but I know that as his mom, I will do everything within my power to help him get along in this world, I wish I could twinkle my nose and it would have all been a nightmare, but we all know that bewitched was a television show, and "denial" is a river in Eygpt... So we go on with this new information and knowledge, and pray that he does not turn into a shell of who he is, he is a happy, fun, caring 11 year old. I want everyone he meets to know this.  I, as his mother, has shared  this difficult life with him for the last 7 years, I keep bandaids and ice packs for booboo's...this booboo I cannot fix on my own, I accept that, I just will not accept allowing him to slip deeper into his mental illness... I also know that i am in one of the hardest positions a mother can be put in, my options are limited, as a working single mother I know that quitting my job to stay home and home school him are out of the question, even though that would be the ideal solution, but then, he becomes isolated and lonely, not that all homeschool children become that way, I just know my son and how much he loves being around his peers, even if he struggles to " be part of the group". And that leaves me with only one real option... medication....but there are so many different medications out there, many we have already tried and had blah results from....one form of the medication for adhd stops his appetite, and he doesn't eat, then he doesn't have energy so he is pale and listless, another lowers his blood pressure to the point where he will fall asleep on a dime.... but today we talked mood stabilizers, scary thoughts run through my head, what affect will this have on him? Will I recognize him in 3 weeks? Will this one work? Time will tell.....